How to write an inclusive LGBTQIA+ Wedding Ceremony Script

Your guide to writing a wedding ceremony for same-sex couples 🌈

Yes, a wedding ceremony is a celebration of love - but, for many, there are other themes they wish to see come through in their day: identity, belonging, and pride.

If you’re writing a ceremony for a queer couple (or you are one half of that couple writing your own), then your goal is to craft a space that feels safe, joyful, affirming, and completely authentic to the people standing at the front.

I’ve written this blog post as a launchpad, with tips to create a ceremony that celebrates queer love in all its brilliance!

(And if you’d like a little extra help, you’re always welcome to email me and ask about my script-writing services - it’s one of my favorite things to do)

Before you start…

I’ve married hundreds of people, and what I’ve learned is that the best ceremonies don’t follow a formula - they are more an extension of THAT particular couple.

So, take this post as a guide, not a rulebook. Every couple is different, and what matters most is what feels right for them.

So, start with a conversation!
Talk about what the couple want, what they don’t want, and what boundaries or emotions might be at play.
For example, if someone is feeling disdain about the processional because a parent can’t be there, consider binning the processional.
If they’d rather share their vows privately - beautiful! If they want to skip traditions altogether - say less!

Here are a few conversation starters to help shape the ceremony:

• Are there pronouns, names, or identities they want to ensure are honored or represented?

• What parts of a ceremony do they want to include - and which can they happily skip?
  (Think: vows, readings, rituals, signing, ring exchange… I’ll include more about the structure in a moment)

• How do they want the ceremony to feel - joyful, intimate, funny, emotional, laid-back?

• Do they want readings - and if so, who should deliver them?
  (Chosen family, siblings, or a friend with great delivery make beautiful options - it can be a lovely way to tie in other special people)

• Are there quotes, books, or songs that already something to them?

• Are there family dynamics to be mindful of (absent parents, strained relationships, emotional triggers)?

• Would they like to include a symbolic act - traditional ones can be reimagined, such as candle lighting, ring warming, handfasting… or make new rituals!

Structure

While every ceremony should be unique, most follow a similar flow. Here’s a basic framework to start from… Then feel free to bend, break, and rebuild it to suit your couple:

• Welcome + housekeeping notes

• Processional (walk down the aisle)

• Opening remarks

• Acknowledgements

• Body (A re-telling of how they met, what makes them them, milestones, and other fun quirks or stories)

• Vows

• The ‘I dos’

• Ring Exchange

• Declaration + The Kiss

• Recessional (exiting back down the aisle)

Acknowledgement

This part of the script is where we take a moment for anything that feels significant - it’s commonly where we thank guests for coming, and acknowledge any loved ones who have passed on. For my queer couples, I also often use the acknowledgment section to highlight two things (with examples below):

1️⃣ Equality acknowledgement - briefly mentioning the broader context of marriage equality and acceptance. Honoring queer history doesn’t mean starting the ceremony heavy - it can be reverent, but still hopeful and celebratory.
2️⃣ Community acknowledgement - I do this is every script, however queer cuties often have a chosen family and that sense of community and belonging can hit a little different, so I like to acknowledge that.

Here are extracts from a script to demonstrate this:

1️⃣ Equality Acknowledgement:

“Before we get into the heart of today’s celebration, it feels important to pause and recognize that the love we celebrate today is part of a much larger story.

Today, [Name] and [Name] step into the boldest version of their partnership yet - though, they are not strangers to courage or honesty in love.
They wish to honor the queer elders and trailblazers who loved before them, many without the freedom to love as openly as we do today. We also hold in our hearts those who are still fighting to be seen, heard, and safe.
We are also grateful for that this is a space where love in all its forms is welcomed, affirmed, and cherished.”

2️⃣ Community Acknowledgement:

“Our couple thank all of you, their treasured guests. You’ve come from near and far to savor this special day with them. With your presence, you’re not only celebrating the love they’ve found, but the people they are.

[Add this if it’s a chosen family situation] You remind us that family is not bound by blood, but by belonging - by the people who choose to love, support, and celebrate us for who we are.

By being here, you affirm their right to love freely and fully, and that means more than words can say.”

Language that loves everyone

This section applies to EVERY wedding ceremony - a few small swaps can make everyone feel seen:

• Instead of ‘ladies and gentlemen,’ use: friends and family, beloved guests, or beautiful humans. It’s not just more inclusive, it’s also much warmer.

• Replace ‘bride and groom’ or ‘husband and wife’ with: partners, spouses, lovebirds, main characters, or nearly-weds.

• ‘You may now kiss your bride’ can become ‘You may seal this moment with a kiss’ or ‘Please share your first kiss as a married couple’
  Another invitation to kiss that always gets a laugh is ‘Well….You know what to do!’
  
  Real life example:
  I once had a couple who went skiing for their first date and they knocked helmets as they went in for their first ever kiss. We spoke about this earlier in the ceremony, so when it came time to kiss, their line was “[name] and [name]… Please knock helmets!”
  No genders or roles - just a full circle moment, from their first date to their wedding ceremony.

Okay, but what about the aisle walk?

Traditionally, one partner waits at the front while the other walks down the aisle - but that script was written for a very specific kind of couple…. You get to write your own!
Here are some ideas:

• Two separate entrances: You each get your own moment. Decide who goes first. You can either each have your own song, or walk within the same one.

• Walk with chosen family: The person who walks you down the aisle should be someone who truly celebrates and supports you - not just someone you feel obligated to include.
  (I once had a spouse have their bio-dad walk them to the top of the aisle, then pass them on to their chosen-family member to continue the walk - you can really chose what feels right to you).

• Walk in together: Enter from either side, meet halfway at the top of the aisle, then take those final steps side by side - symbolically entering your marriage as equals.

• Make it YOU: Okay I’m sure I sound like a broken record by saying ‘make it you’ all the time - but hey, I’m passionate…
  All to say, choose music that actually feels like you - if that’s an instrumental version of Born This Way, then hell yeah. If that’s Ed Sheeran’s Perfect, then let’s go!

The goal is to make the entrance feel meaningful and empowering - whatever that looks like.

Writing the ‘body’ (aka, the love story)

In the structure above, I had ‘body’ - so, what’s in the body? Well, that’s where each script tends to look the most different. Often, it’s a fun re-telling of a couple’s love story - but it could include a reading delivered by someone special, a re-telling of a funny memory that totally encapsulates the couple, or perhaps rituals (I most commonly perform a handfasting ritual).

To do this, I send my couple’s (and their friends / family) questionnaires, and I use their answers to ascertain what their ceremony should include.

Write it like a celebration, not an explanation. Focus on joy, connection, and the ways they make each other feel seen. Sprinkle in their quirks, and their shared passions.

Rituals and Readings

Rituals
Some couples choose to skip this part — and I get it. Readings and rituals can sometimes feel a little stiff.
BUT…. (you know what I’m going to say, so say it with me)… YOU👏 CAN👏 MAKE👏 IT👏 YOUR👏 OWN👏

For example, handfasting is a Celtic ritual (and where the phrase “tying the knot” comes from!). If that resonates with you, maybe because of your celtic roots, your shared passion for knots and rock climbing, or because it simply resonates… you can make it personal. Put your own twist on it by using a rainbow scarf, for example.

Or take the unity ritual - traditionally, it’s done by lighting a third candle from two smaller ones to represent your union. But if candles aren’t your vibe, think about what is. E.g. If you’re craft beer lovers, pour two beers into one stein and share a sip after the ceremony.

Readings

I’ve written a separate blog post with some of my favorite wedding readings, check it out.

🪩Fun moments

Some of the most memorable ceremonies are the ones that weave in laughter, personality, and a few surprise moments.

You could include moments like:

• Doggie ring bearers - for the dog-parents (I once had a groom tie the rings loosely on the collar so he’d be able to retrieve them easily. Well, they fell off and got lost in the forest. Dw, we found them, but use a pouch and fasten securely!)

• Flower grannies - to include your gran in the cutest way!

• Witness raffles - names drawn from a box to determine who signs the paperwork.

• Community vows - where guests respond “we do!” to promises of support (after the couple’s ‘I dos’)

• Secret ring-bearer - the ring box is taped under a chair.

💌 Need help writing a script? Or making it legal?

There are a few ways I can help -

1. Script writing services -
   I have a B of Communication and more than 15 years experience as a professional writer, and writing scripts is my absolute passion. Get in touch if you’d like to have a professionally written script!

2. I can make things legal in BC!
   I’m based in Squamish, in the heart of the Sea to Sky, so if that corner of the world is where you’re at, it would be an absolute honor and joy!

3. Elopement Packages -
   I bring my decade of experience planning, and put together pretty rad elopement packages. I ONLY work with affirming and inclusive vendors, always!

About the Author

Jude Douglass
Founder of Sea to Sky Officiant & Adventure Elopement Specialist

Jude is the gal behind Sea to Sky Officiant. Known for her warm, modern, and joy-filled ceremonies, she has guided countless couples through one of life’s most meaningful moments. She’s passionate about marriage equality (duh) and being an affirming and safe wedding vendor. Jude believes that every love story deserves to be celebrated openly, safely, and without compromise. Her ceremonies are rooted in authenticity, inclusivity, and connection, ensuring that every couple feels seen and celebrated exactly as they are.
When she’s not officiating weddings or planning epic elopements across the Sea to Sky corridor, you’ll find Jude hiking local trails, camping under the stars, or spending time with her partner, soaking in the beauty of coastal BC.

Photo credits -These beautiful vendors are safe, affirming, talented, and lovely humans:
Oisin McHugh Weddings, Oisin McHugh Weddings, Unspoken Photography, Unspoken Photography, Oisin McHugh Weddings.