How to tell your family and friends you’ve eloped
Advice from a Squamish Elopement Planner
As a Squamish elopement planner and wedding officiant, I have this conversation with couples all the time:
“How do we tell our family we already eloped?”
Whether you’re planning a private mountaintop ceremony or already married in secret, navigating family dynamics can feel just as nerve-wracking as the vows themselves. The good news? There are thoughtful, kind, and even fun ways to share your news - without guilt, overwhelm, or hurt feelings.
This is what I’ll cover to guide you through telling your families about your elopement: When to tell your family you’ve eloped, how to include family (even if they weren’t there), WHAT to say, and ways to reveal the news.
When to tell your family you’ve eloped
You have three main options, and each comes with pros and cons. There’s no “right” answer - only what’s right for your relationship and your family dynamics.
1. Tell them before the elopement: This works well if your family is supportive and you’d like them involved in some way.
2. Invite a few loved ones: Many people think of elopements, and think that just the couple attend… But, elopements in Squamish can totally include a handful of your favorite guests! You get the intimacy of an elopement and family presence.
I’ve helped couples elope with no guests, with just a few, I’ve also helped a couple with ~30 guests.
3. Tell them after: This is very common, especially for couples who want to add to the intimate feeling of the day, or avoid external pressure.
Important timing note:
If you wait until after, your closest people will usually appreciate hearing it directly from you before seeing it online - so read on for more information on how to tell them.
How to Include Family in Your Squamish Elopement
Even if your you decide not to tell anyone until after your elopement, you can still include them on the day. Here are some sweet ways to tie them into the story of your day:
Letters from Loved Ones: I once had a couple exchange letters written by each other’s parents during their ceremony. The groom read the bride’s parents’ words, and the bride read the groom’s parents’ words. It was incredibly emotional and meaningful - even though they weren’t physically present.
Acknowledging Them in the Ceremony: As your officiant, I often include a short tribute within the ceremony script. For example: “You stand here today as the living continuation of all the love that came before you - shaped by the people who raised you, supported you, and loved you into who you are.” This can be customized to reflect your specific families and circumstances.
Recording Your Elopement: If your family knows in advance and wants to watch, livestreaming is a beautiful option. Or, If you don’t want to go live… we can record it, and you can show them later.
Two practical tips from experience: 1. The easiest setup is creating a private Facebook event and going live from there. And 2. Use microphones - this makes a huge difference. If my couples wish to do this, I bring along a tripod, and two lav microphones (one on me, one on the couple - this ensures your vows and ceremony are clearly heard, even if the phone is far away for photography)Bringing Meaningful Items: Many couples bring small, symbolic items to represent family: A charm tied to the bouquet, they wear jewelry from a parent, or even bring some photos along (then they get photos with the photos).
WHAT to Say When You Tell Them (including a template)
Okay, now you might be wondering how to actually tell them. So, let’s start from the start!
Leading with confidence and joy makes everything feel lighter. So, start with a positive spin! For example: “We eloped, and we are so excited to share this with you.” will likely land better than “We know this might upset you…”
Things you may want to cover:
When and where you eloped
Why you chose to elope
That you thought of them on the day
Optional: If you think they may feel tender about it, you can acknowledge that. You know them best!
Whether you’ll be hosting a celebration later
Template Reveal Message
“We have some exciting news to share… We eloped!
We tied the knot in Squamish, tucked into the mountains with the ocean in front of us, and it was everything we hoped it would be.
We know this might feel surprising, or even a little tender to hear, and we want you to know this choice wasn’t about distance from you. We thought about you throughout the day and spoke your names during our ceremony. We chose to enter our marriage in a quiet, intentional way that felt right for us, and we hope you can feel how much love there was in it - for each other, and for you.
We can’t wait to celebrate together in person!”
Fun Ways to Reveal That You Eloped
Here are some of my favorite real-life reveal ideas from my Squamish elopement couples:
A photo card: The most popular option:
Use your sneak peek photos to create a beautiful postcard with your date and a message. You can post these to your loved ones to share the news.
Slideshow reveal: One couple eloped in Squamish while on vacation. When they returned to Australia, they hosted a casual “trip slideshow” night. Halfway through: boom - wedding photos appeared. Their mother’s first words were “why are you wearing suits while hiking?” Then it clicked!
Movie night: Instead of photos, gather everyone and play your elopement film. Let the reveal happen in real time.
An event-based reveal: Invite your favorite people over, and let them know there! You can tell them it is an engagement party, or find another reason to get them together.
I even had a couple answer the door to their guests while wearing their bridal attire, and that was the reveal!
Video call: A few of my couples have called their loved ones after their ceremony, wearing their bridal attire. This brings your loved ones into the day - and the photographer can capture photos of you speaking with them (as seen above) which is a nice way to “have them there” on the day.
My final thoughts…
Your elopement is about how you choose to enter your marriage - intentionally, peacefully, and in a way that reflects who you truly are. Whether your family is involved from day one or learns afterward, what matters most is sharing your joy with honesty, warmth, and confidence.
If you’re planning a Squamish elopement and want guidance on logistics, ceremony design, location ideas, or family dynamics - I’d be happy to help.
